


Can You Feel My Nervous Energy?

by newbuddiefan



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Drunken Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:40:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23458738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newbuddiefan/pseuds/newbuddiefan
Summary: Based on the song ‘Nervous Energy’ by Glades.Eddie has a few things to say to Buck at the end of Chimney and Maddie’s wedding.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 4
Kudos: 208





	1. Part One

Some of the lyrics to the track:

_Not really sure what, I've gotten into_  
_My hands are shakey, just looking at you_  
_It's 3am now, everyone's leaving_  
_And I'm just frozen_

_I gotta catch you in the street while you're trying to leave yeah_  
_At the door of your car with my heart on my sleeve yeah_

_Listen, I don't always act this way_  
_Usually I would have more to say_  
_I let the moment get the best of me_  
_Can you feel my nervous energy?_  
_I don't always give myself away_  
_If you had caught me on a different day_  
_I let the moment get the best of me_  
_Can you feel my nervous energy?_

_The moon is lighting up the windows_  
_I kinda like you, but it's not that simple_  
_Cause I don't know you, the way I want to_  
_Then again, it's not my head sometimes_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That was a long night,” Buck mutters to himself, putting down the bottle of beer he’d been nursing for the last two hours.

After a year and half of dating, Chimney had finally popped the question and asked Maddie to marry him. Now, four months later, the evening was wrapping up. The couple had had a nice outdoor wedding, the 118 and all of Maddie’s call centre friends in attendance. For the reception, they had hired out a barn for everyone to dance and drink the night away.

Buck has a history of saying things he one, doesn’t mean or two, wanted to keep a secret when he drank too much. Tonight was about his sister and there was no way he was going to ruin her perfect evening with his words. Instead, he drove himself to the venue, limiting himself to a total of three beers throughout the course of the night. He liked to attribute this to being Buck 2.0, a much more adult and reasonable version of himself.

This didn’t stop him from having fun tonight, oh no. After Maddie reminded him to ‘loosen up’ multiple times, he caved. Even though he was like Bambi on ice when it came to dancing, he still headed onto the floor to dance with his friends. This also included Christopher, who was dressed to the nines in his suit and little bow tie.

While the day was filled with many highs, by far his favourite was seeing Eddie turn up to the wedding with Christopher and Carla. He had seen Eddie dressed up before, like in his dress uniform when he became an official member of the 118 but this, this was different. Eddie was looking gorgeous in his navy blue suit that was clearly tailored to fit him and him only.

Buck knew his boy crush on Eddie had developed into something stronger. He had been with men before, that wasn’t a secret. But this was more. Buck knew in his heart that he was in love with Eddie Diaz. He also knew that Eddie would never want him the same way he did. So he kept it to himself. He told himself that the pain of having to leave the Diaz house after a movie or games night was worth it. That if he couldn’t have Eddie as a partner, then having him as a best friend was enough. He tried to move on, he had multiple flings with both men and women, yet none of them could fill that void in his life. He wanted Eddie, he wanted to be a family with him and Christopher.

It didn’t help that Eddie was drunk on the dance floor right now, dancing with Josh and some of Maddie’s other co-workers like he was in a Step Up movie. Carla had left with Chris hours ago, Eddie planning on getting an uber home. Buck had to tell himself to look away, that because as bad as Eddie’s dancing was, Buck was really into it.

He shook his head, banishing the impure thoughts he was having about Eddie and looked down at his phone. The time read 3:04am, it truly had been a long night. I better go home, Buck thought, getting up from his chair and stretching. He found the happy couple, giving them both hugs and telling them he’d see them after the honeymoon.

“Aren’t you going to take your boyfriend home?” Chimney asked, tilting his head in the direction of Eddie who was still doing dance moves that Buck didn’t even know the names of.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Buck said, “He’s getting an uber.”

“You could always give him a ride?” Chim said, his eyebrow wiggling suggestively.

“Chim, no! That’s my brother!” Maddie giggled. The two of them had clearly had way too much champagne.

“I’m going, text me when you get to the hotel in Mexico so I know you arrived safely,” Buck shook his head and headed towards the barn doors. One last longing look at Eddie and he was out the door, heading to his jeep. Chimney was right, he could go back and offer Eddie a lift home. But Buck also didn’t want to cut short Eddie’s night. He was halfway to his car when he heard a familiar voice call out to him.

“Hey, Buck! Wait up!” Eddie called across the makeshift parking lot.

___________________________________________

“Did Buck leave?” Eddie asked Chimney who was dipping his new bride as they danced.

“He literally just left, you could catch up with him,” Maddie told him, Chimney bringing her back up into a standing position, “Ok no more of that, I might throw up.”

“I am so sorry my beautiful wife. You know she’s my wife now?” Chim asked Eddie and he nodded.

“Well I am at your wedding so yes.”

“Ok don’t be smart. You better go if you want to catch your boyfriend,” Chim laughed.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Eddie said, turning on his heel and heading for the barn door. He patted his pockets, making sure that he hadn’t left anything behind.

“Drunk me is so responsible,” Eddie said to himself, letting out a laugh.

Up ahead, he could make out Buck heading towards his car in the moonlight.

“Hey, Buck! Wait up!”

Eddie quickened his pace, trying to catch up to his best friend who had now stopped dead in his tracks.

“Were you gonna leave without saying good bye to me?” Eddie asked once he had caught up to Buck.

“Uh, you were having so much fun, I didn’t want to interrupt,” Buck said, his eyes not meeting Eddie’s.

“I’d have stopped for you,” Eddie put his hand on Buck’s shoulder.

“Um, ok. I’m sorry,” Buck said, sliding out from under Eddie’s touch, “It’s late, I think its best I go home.”

“Are you not going to offer me a ride?” Eddie asked, one of his eyebrows.

“Fine. Do you want me to take you home?” Buck asked.

“I’d like that more than anything in the world,” Eddie told him. Buck’s face scrunched up in confusion, trying to figure out what the hell he had meant by those words.

“Let’s go,” Buck turned on his heel, unlocking the jeep with his key fob.

Eddie followed him, his eyes never leaving Buck. Even in the slivers of moonlight and with his back to him, Evan Buckley was still the most beautiful person Eddie had ever laid eyes upon. He had thought so ever since Buck had come up to him in the weight room at the station, sizing him up and asking Eddie to ‘respect his elders’ despite him being a good six years older than Buck. It didn’t take long for them to bury their rivalry (by that, he means for Buck to get over his jealousy) and they soon became fast friends.

Eddie didn’t know how it had happened, that friendship turning into something else. Maybe it was when Buck organised with Bobby to bring Christopher in to the station when Eddie couldn’t find someone to watch him or when he went out of his way to bring Carla into his life to help with his son. It was definitely before the tsunami, when Buck risked his own safety and never stopped looking for Christopher. Somehow Buck was always over, whether it was to drink beers with Eddie during an afternoon barbecue, ordering in pizza to watch Disney movies with Chris or letting the Diaz boys beat him at every video game they owned. Buck had become a staple in his life, so much so that Eddie forgot dating was even a thing. He already had everything he needed. He was happy.

For Eddie, these feelings were new. He had always wondered if he was bisexual but he had never had any feelings for a man before past physical attraction. Buck had changed that. Eddie often thought on those nights where Buck was over late that he should ask him to stay. That they could get together on the couch and Eddie could open up about this. That maybe Buck would feel the same way and he would lean over, his lips grazing Eddie’s, as if to tell him it was okay, that Eddie could end it right there if he wanted to. But Eddie wouldn’t do that; he would have pressed his lips to Buck’s and sealed their fate right there and then.

The sound of the barn door opening dragged Eddie back to real life. He turned back to see Josh and a couple of others laughing and chatting loudly, walking towards an uber that had pulled up. He turned back to see Buck had reached his car, his head turned towards Eddie, the look on his face clearly asking ‘are you coming?’.

“Buck, can we talk?”

“Here? Now?” Buck asked, his hand wrapped around the door handle.

“Yeah, now.”

Eddie’s eyes locked onto Buck’s as he made his way closer to him. Despite there still being two feet between the two, Buck was pressed up against the car door, nowhere to escape. It was now or never for Eddie. He was drunk, he knew that. But these weren’t going to be drunk Eddie’s words, they were sober Eddie’s words, the alcohol just gave him the confidence to speak them out loud.


	2. Part Two

“It’s three in the morning, Eddie. Let’s go home,” Buck said nervously, his hands shaky. He had no idea where this was going. Buck didn’t know how Eddie could be so drunk yet look so sure of what he wanted.

“No, I have to say this,” Eddie said, his hand reaching up and placing itself on Buck’s shoulders. Buck looked at the hand, his gaze travelling up Eddie’s arm and settling back on his face. Eddie had the same look that he had that day he dropped Christopher off after the tsunami. The one that was followed up with Eddie telling Buck that there was no one in the world he trusted more with his son than him. Not his abuela, not Carla… Buck.

“I’m in love with you, Buck.”

Buck’s frozen. He had dreamed of hearing something like this come out of Eddie’s mouth. But Eddie was also drunk. His eyes were searching Buck’s face for something… anything that would give away Buck’s feelings right now.

“Eddie, you’re drunk. You don’t mean that.”

“Oh but I do. I have been for a very long time.”

“But you’re straight.”

“That’s what I thought. But then I started looking at guys a whole lot differently and I questioned myself. And then, then I met you,” Eddie let out a sigh, a small smile playing on his face. “And you, Buck, you are everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Buck could feel himself tearing up. There is no way this was Eddie talking. The alcohol mixed with that feeling of being single and wanting someone to love after being at a wedding was messing with his head right now.

“Listen Buck, I don’t always act this way with people I like. But I don’t just like you, it’s not that simple. I. Love. You.”

Each of those three words was said with a pause, like Eddie was trying to get it through Buck’s thick head that he was serious.

“Eddie, you’re drunk,” Buck repeated.

“And? I know exactly what I’m saying to you, Evan.”

Buck still didn’t know what to say, his mind was running a million miles an hour. Eddie loved him, more than a friend. But Eddie had also drunk a lot tonight.

“If you don’t feel the same way, that’s okay,” Eddie’s voice broke, letting Buck know that it wasn’t okay.

“I never said that,” Buck whispered.

“Really?” Eddie’s face had lit up in the moonlight, “So you like me too?”

“Eddie, I-I don’t want to get into this now. Can we talk about this in the day time when you’re sober?”

“Yeah, sure, of course. I’ll uh, I’ll get in the car.”

“Please.”

Buck watched as Eddie bounded his way over to the passenger side. He could have sworn he saw a bounce in the other man’s step. He took a few moments, his mind in over drive with what Eddie had just told him. Once he had collected himself, he opened the door and slid into the driver’s seat, starting the car.

He looked over at Eddie who, in the minute or two Buck had been recovering from the declaration of love, had fallen asleep. Buck said a silent prayer. He didn’t know how he was going to survive the thirty minute drive home with Eddie awake after all that.

The drive back to Eddie’s house seemed to go forever. Buck kept going over what had happened in his head while Eddie snored lightly beside him. What was going to happen tomorrow? Would Eddie even remember what he had said? Buck was so cautious when it came to dating now, none of his past relationships working out the way he wanted. He also didn’t want to get hurt like he had been before. He didn’t think Eddie would do that, more likely he would be the one to mess it up. Ruining the friendship was also something Buck didn’t want to happen.

Buck decided he was going to leave it. That this drunken confession was just that, it didn’t mean anything. If Eddie brought it up, then fine, Buck would talk discuss it, but he wasn’t going to initiate the conversation. Eddie would be embarrassed if he knew what had just happened, Buck told himself, he didn’t want to extend that into the daylight hours.

The jeep pulled up outside the Diaz house, the porch light the only thing illuminating the small house. Carla had taken Christopher back to her place with the promise of a trip to the movies today. Smart woman, she knew Eddie would be hungover and thought she’d give him some time to clean himself up before Chris came home.

“Eddie, we’re at your house,” Buck said, shaking Eddie lightly. The other man grumbled in his sleep but didn’t wake. After a few more shakes and then a shove, Eddie’s eyes opened.

“Oh, we’re home.”

“No, you’re home. I still have a ten minute drive to mine so get out.”

“Help me?” Eddie asked, his mouth turning into a pout. Buck shook his head, this man was ridiculous. He knew if he declined it would just be more time he spent arguing with Eddie and he really wanted to go to bed.

“Fine,” Buck grunts, getting out of the car and walking around to the passenger’s side door. He pulled it open, Eddie stumbling as he slides out of the car. On impulse, Buck reached over, his arm snaking its way around Eddie’s waist to steady him.

“Thanks, Buck,” Eddie said softly, looking up at Buck, adoration in his eyes.

“Let’s get you inside.”

Buck helped the other man onto the porch and watched as he pat his pockets for his keys.

“They’re here, I checked before I left.”

“Here,” Buck said, finding the key to Eddie’s house that he kept on his own key ring. They had exchanged keys, just in case something ever happened to the other. Buck found that he used this key more than he thought, letting himself into the Diaz house weekly with it so no one had to come to the front door.

“Okay, in you go,” Buck said, leading Eddie into his house and flicking on the living room light.

“You know you can stay if you want?” Eddie asked, hopeful.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea tonight.”

“Please Buck. You said we could talk about this in the day, I want to do that and I’m scared I’ll lose my nerve,” Eddie was practically begging.

Buck weighed up his options. Again, he could argue with Eddie about this and get home even later. Or, he could just stay. Despite everything that had just happened, all Buck could do was think about sleep.

“Fine,” he said, making Eddie smile, “But I’m sleeping on the couch.”

“My bed is big enou-“

“Couch or I leave.”

“Fine. I’ll get you some sweats.”

Eddie disappeared into his bedroom, coming back a minute later with a t-shirt and sweatpants. Buck thanked him and said good night, turning Eddie back into the direction of his bedroom. With one fleeting look back, Eddie retreated to his room with a good night. Buck headed to the bathroom to change and wash his face quickly, returning to the lounge room. He grabbed a cushion and dragged the blanket from the back of the couch over him. Within seconds, he was asleep.

___________________________________________

Eddie had definitely forgotten to close his blinds, the morning light coming in strong. That mixed with the ache pounding in his head made him groan and pull the pillow over his face. He thought back to the night before, the ceremony, the reception, the dancing… and Buck. He told Buck he loved him last night and Buck, while he didn’t say it back, gave him hope. He mustn’t have drunk as much as he thought; he could remember every word he said to the other man. He remembered the look on Buck’s face, the scepticism of his confession. He also remembers him taking him home and leaving him in the lounge room with the promise to talk about what occurred in the early hours of this morning.

“Buck,” Eddie said, a noise in the kitchen alerting him to someone else’s presence in his house. Eddie jumped out of bed, the sudden rush of blood making him pause for a second. Once it had passed, he opened the door and headed into his kitchen. Buck was making breakfast, eggs and bacon were being fried, a big glass of orange juice and an advil sitting on the counter.

“You’re awake,” Buck’s said, his voice drawing Eddie’s attention to him. He was still dressed in Eddie’s clothes and that made his heart skip a beat. This was like a look into what could be his future. Buck in his house, cooking him breakfast and wearing his clothes… was there anything better than this?

“Did you do this for me?”

“Ain’t no one else here, Edmundo,” Buck laughed. He took two plates from the cupboard and started piling the food on them before looking in the cutlery drawer for utensils. The fact that he knew where everything was already proved Buck wasn’t a guest, he belonged here.

“Thank you,” Eddie said, taking a seat at the counter and placing the advil in his mouth. One large swig of the orange juice and he was already feeling slightly better. Buck placed both plates down and sat on the stool next to Eddie.

“Did you have fun last night?” Buck baited.

“I did. It was a really nice wedding. Maddie looked beautiful but then again, she’s got those Buckley genes so that’s a given,” Eddie winked. Why was he like this? He needed to ease his way into this conversation because Buck looked like he was about to bolt.

“Uh,” Buck was speechless and Eddie just wanted to get this over and done with. Like ripping off a band aid.

“Buck, about what happened last night. Well, technically this morning. I meant it. I love you, I have for a long time. I’ve been in love before, but not like this. Not with someone like you. The day I met you I knew there was something there,” Eddie admitted.

“Funny because I don’t remember liking you at all,” Buck said, lifting a fork full of bacon into his mouth.

“I kinda hoped that jealousy was because you had a crush on me. I saw the way you checked me out in the weight room.”

“Ha! Whatever, Eddie,” Buck retorted once he’s swallowed his food, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Any way, like I said last night, if you don’t feel the same way that’s okay.”

“And like I said last night, I never said that.”

“Then why do you seem so hesitant?” Eddie questioned. It wasn’t like Buck to act like this, giving him nothing to work with. He was normally so chatty and open about his feelings. Or so Eddie thought.

“I just- I don’t know. Last night it was because you were drunk. Eddie, you have no idea how much I wanted to grab you and kiss you. But I didn’t want to take advantage of the situation, that’s why I was so cold last night.”

“I understand that. Thank you for respecting my drunken self,” Eddie said, trying to lighten the mood.

“You’re welcome,” Buck gave him a smile back, “The truth is, I love you too.”

With those four little words, Eddie was on cloud nine. He wanted to reach over and kiss Buck right this second but he sensed the man wasn’t finished.

“I’ve been through so much these past couple of years, we both have. After the leg injury, the tsunami and the law suit, I just didn’t want to get hurt again,” Buck admitted, not making eye contact with him. Before Eddie could defend himself, Buck continued to talk; he was on a roll now.

“Not that I thought you would hurt me, more like I’d mess things up and it would impact you and Chris. I know that the law suit was rough on us and that was on me, I couldn’t see past my selfishness to see how you two were doing. I don’t want to hurt _you,_ Eddie, because that would ruin me. In my head, it just feels safer to be alone.”

“Buck, look at me.”

Eddie closed the gap between the two of them, his hand making its way to the back of Buck’s neck. Buck lifted his gaze, those ocean blue eyes of his locking themselves on Eddie.

“I told you already, I forgive you for that. It’s in the past. You’ve done a lot of growing up since then, acknowledged your wrong doings. But don’t get inside of your head too much. If this is something you want; you, me… Christopher, I’m all in.”

Buck took a deep sigh. Eddie had never seen him like this before. The confident, cocky guy was nowhere to be found. Had Eddie broken Evan Buckley?

“I’m all in. I want this, more than anything,” Buck said, giving Eddie that hundred watt smile of his.

“Thank God,” Eddie breathed a sigh of relief as Buck reached over, pressing his lips to Eddie’s. For a first kiss it was perfect, Buck taking control but also taking it slow. When they finally pulled apart, it was enough for Eddie to know that it was the last first kiss he ever wanted to have.

“I love you, Buck.”

“I love you too, Eddie. Now finish your breakfast, you need something greasy.”

“I think that kiss sobered me right up. Mostly. Might need another one to get myself to a hundred percent,” Eddie flirted. Buck raised an eyebrow, making Eddie laugh. He leaned back over to press his lips against the other mans.

The two had a lot to talk about but that could wait. Right now, they both wanted to bask in the joy of something that had been a long time coming. Something that would last forever, Eddie hoped.


End file.
